Today was my first real lazy day in Madrid. I was exhausted after my trip over the weekend, which I will post about later on. I literally woke up after ten hours of sleep, and spent almost all day in my room besides going out to the kitchen to eat of course. Honestly, it felt nice to have a day where I was not worried about anything or getting lost somewhere in the city. I had time to do some necessary research and relax. I thought today would just be a normal day, but a friend of mine here was messaging me about how homesick she was. Then all of a sudden, I felt incredibly homesick. It did not help that I decided to read one of the 21 letters my best friend wrote to me. So, yes, I cried. I could not tell you if they were happy tears or sad tears.
Tomorrow will mark my eighth week here in Madrid. I will admit I was incredibly homesick in the beginning. I was not really sure how to handle my emotions because I had never been homesick before. I was frustrated especially having to message everyone constantly only because I leave out details I normally would tell them in person. Maybe that is a good thing though as I know I am a horrible story teller and ramble about things that never pertain to the main point. Sometimes I will feel homesick when my parents message me that they are out to brunch at my dad's favorite restaurant or when my best friend is telling me about her weekend. I miss face to face conversations will everyone back at home.
Anyways, as my day in my room turned to night I decided to listen to one of my favorite songs ever, Sea of Love by Cat Power. Yes, it is the song they play at the end of the film, Juno, after she gives birth. I cry every time at that part. My sister actually showed me this song way before the film Juno and I instantly fell in love with it. Later on, my dad caught wind of this song and it instantly became his go to on our car rides together alone or as a family. I think of him every time I listen to the song. It had been a while since I had heard it so when I started listening to it today, I instantly started crying. The tears would not stop flowing until the song was over. I thought about my dad, my mom, sister, and brother in the car silently listening to the lyrics. I thought about when my sister introduced the song to me. Yes, I even thought about Juno giving her baby away. (Tears are starting to fill my eyes...typing is getting a little more difficult...) I realized while listening to that beautiful song that my tears are not because I am sad or happy in those moments, but rather it is because I feel incredibly loved. I have been blessed with amazing people who have shown me what love is and I can only hope I have shown them the same. I have never loved so deeply as I do now. Whether it is family love, friendship love or romantic love, it is something that has filled my heart and empowered me. I thank each and every person who has told me they love me and continue to love me because you are the ones who have changed my life and for that, I am forever grateful. Please take a listen to this song and feel the sea of love fill your hearts.
xoxo
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